MoC(k) Marriages

Take a look at this short film on marriages of convenience by Faisal Jahal. It was submitted for Link TV's online film contest, One Nation Many Voices. While Jahal is no Scorsese, M.o.C. offers an interesting look on this growing trend.

Why Sikhism Is Naturally Amenable to Gay Marriage (Sikhism and Homosexuality, Part I)

In light of Proposition 8, and the various religious arguments against gay marriage, I want to add a new perspective. Various policies regarding gay marriage in the Western world concern Sikhs. California, the home state of Prop 8, and Canada, which recently legalized same-sex marriage, contain high concentrations of the Sikh diaspora. In fact, the policies in Canada caused enough concern to generate some drama with the Sikh higher-ups (more on this later, in Sikhism and Homosexuality, Part II).

So in spite of the potential hate mail (if the wider world knew about queeristan) here is why I think that Sikhism unadulerated by cultural ideology is one of the few religions that is naturally poised to accept gay marriage.

The first point: the basic philosophy of Sikhism is that everyone is equal. It is one of the only religions that explicitly states that all sentient beings are equal. The Golden Temple, one of the most respected religious sites, has four entrances to symbolize this - anyone is welcome, regardless of their religion, color, caste, or gender. So it hardly seems in line with the religion that exceptions would be made to bar a specific group (in this case, LGBT's) from certain rights.

Secondly, the Sri Guru Granth Sahib is mum on the issue of gay marriage. All the religion promotes is a family lifestyle and marriage for all adherents because all Sikhs belong to the community and have a duty to further it. Hence, the solitary lifestyle is discouraged (no hot rogues a la the Wolverine for Sikhs). What options does this leave a gay Sikh? Either pretend to be straight and get married, or come out and still get married, but to someone of the same sex. But why even pretend to be straight? Philosophically, gay marriage and gay adoption don't seem antithetical to the Sikh religion - in fact, it seems essential for a gay Sikh to push for gay marriage and gay adoption to remain a a good Sikh.

Sikhism's foundation lies on it's tolerance and egalitarianism; it's structure promotes community, family, and marriage. Denying LGBT's the right to marry, adopt, and participate in the community doesn't seem to fit quite right.

While you wait for Part II, where we consider the realities rather than the philosophy, consider how accepting a religion will be when it has followers who have altered it's main symbol (the Khanda...click to see original form) into this:

Weekly Mix Masala

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Terrorist Attacks on Mumbai
||26.11.08 - 29.11.08||
Summary of Attacks -- Wikipedia
Sequence of Events -- BBC News
Recent Developments -- NYTimes
Wear White on 12/1 in Solidarity -- Facebook Event
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Gays in India fear rules, blackmailers
The Washington Post

AIDS Sutra released this week, watch readings via webcast
SAJAforum

Dostana is (still) shaking up Bollywood
Bollywood films enter brave, gay world
Straight.com

Dostana in Pakistan
Pakistan Paindabad

John Abraham asks men to step it up
XPress


More Bollywood Gay News
Amisha Patel defends boyfriend's sexuality -- and no one cares
Bollywood News Blog

Konkona Sen Sharma jumps on the rainbow bandwagon
India Forums


Prop 8 News
Minorities fear trend from CA gay marriage ban
Reuters

A queer desi reaches out to LGBT Mormons
2015Place.com


Something Inspiring
All-girl rock band shakes Saudi Arabian establishment
NYTimes
Accolade's MySpace

Nepal grants Same-sex marriage rights!

"In a landmark verdict, the apex court in Nepal has given its consent to same-sex marriages, a move that beats off social taboos in the conservative valley.

The apex court on Monday directed the Maoist-led government in Nepal to formulate necessary laws to guarantee full rights to gays, including right to same-sex marriage.

"The court has instructed the government against making any discrimination on the basis of sex. This is a landmark decision for the sexual minorities and we welcome it," Sunil Babu Panta, a leading gay activist in South Asia and Nepal's only lawmaker in the Constituent Assembly representing the community, said."

Maybe we should get some tips from them??

Nepal SC approves same-sex marriage

Map: Counties against Prop 8 vs. Asian Population

Here's a fun little diddy for your Wed. Brought to you by OCD and MS Paint. Bee-tee-dubz, out of all the counties that voted against Prop 8, only two of them had no asian populations. In case you can't tell from my ghetto map.


*Based on 2007 Projected figures from US Census. Asian-only population.

Losing the Battle but Winning the War

Just two weeks ago, Barack Obama became the President-elect of the United States of America. And in a twist of fate California's notorious Proposition 8 also passed, effectively banning same-sex marriages in the Golden State. While similar anti-gay measures were passed in Florida, Arizona, and Arkansas, the California decision has stung our community the most.

In the past fourteen days there has been much finger-pointing as to who is truly responsible for getting this measure to pass. At first socially conservative African-Americans and Latino Americans were singled out for voting for a progressive presidential candidate while supporting this oppressive ballot question. Recently, The Church of Latter-Day Saints have been bearing much of the brunt after The New York Times revealed that significant Mormon donations may have tipped the scales. The outcry by the American gay community has been enormous. Perhaps some of you readers participated in the nationwide protests last weekend; it was queer mobilization to a scale not seen since Stonewall.

Nevertheless, one group remains relatively free from the Prop 8 backlash -- Asian-Americans (yes, that's us too). In the weeks leading to November 4th, The South Asian Journalist Association published that a majority of South Asians were against a ban on gay marriages. The South Asian Bar Association even endorsed NO on Prop 8, while the South Asian Network's director, Hamid Khan, spoke out against the measure as well.

On election day, the vote on Proposition 8 was split down the middle among Asians in California. According to exit polls, 51% of Asian-Americans voted against the ban while 49% supported it. Believe it or not, Asian-Americans came out on top in voting NO to Proposition 8. Out of the racial groups polled, Asians and Caucasians were the only two that voted as a majority against the measure. Check out the maps below!

County-by-County Breakdown of Prop 8 Voting Record vs. Asian-American Population

















Prop 8 Map -- The Los Angeles Times
Asian-American Population Map -- US Census Bureau
NO on Prop 8 Poster courtesy of thaths on Flickr

Weekly Mix Masala

The Kinsey Institute's International Encylopedia of Sexuality is all available online. Articles about India: 516; Nepal: 714; Sri Lanka: 972. For those of you virgins to the Kinsey name - Kinsey is considered the father of sexology. Go watch Kinsey, the movie, for a better idea.

The Kinsey Institute

Check out the website of famous Indian photographer Farrokh Chotia - he's photographed the likes of Aishwariya and Lakshmi Menon. Note the, ahem, color differences between the "ideal" beauty of the Bollywood stars and the more varied features of the legitimate models.

farrokchothia.com

Can't swallow the idea of real live Indian porn? Well there's a comic alternative for you, Savita Bhabhi. Unfortch, no queer scenes as of yet, but it's delightfully ironic.

Savita Bhabhi

Apple donates $100,000 to fight against Proposition 8, which is on the California ballot to eliminate the right of gay marriage from the state constitution. You know, I never would have guessed...

The Tech Chronicles

Turns out that Indians in the US aren't as conservative as we sometimes think. Indians are strong supporters of Obama, and additionally *drumroll* - A majority of Indians in California are against a constitutional amendment banning gay-marriage (aka Prop 8).

SAJA Forum

Positively a Runaway Groom

The pressure of marriage is something many of us will face at some point in our lives. However, Chennai would-be groom, Satish, has dealt with his marital pressure in a rather unique way. Satish was all set to marry the girl chosen out for him by his parents; the couple was engaged and a wedding date was set in early September. However, unknown to the parents or the bride was the fact that this Tamil heart already belonged to someone else. Satish has always been in love with his college sweetheart and a marriage to someone else suddenly felt impossible.

So this South Indian techie used some ingenuity and forged a lab report claiming that he was HIV positive. He presented the evidence to his future in-laws in tears and conveniently wiggled his way out of the predicament. Or so he thought. Something about the story must have seemed specious, because the in-laws called the lab to verify the results and discovered that Satish never even got an HIV test.

Now poor Satish is, as they say, out of the frying pan and into the fire. The bride's family has called and authorities and Satish has been slapped cases under Sections 420 (cheating) and 4 (1) of Prevention of Women Harassment Act. In a last ditch effort he offered to marry the girl once again, but not surprisingly the family turned him down.

Oh Satish, perhaps it's the balance of the universe at work or just rotten luck, but be forewarned runaway grooms (and brides), faking an HIV positive test may not be the best way out of marriage. I'll be surprised if this story doesn't make its way into a Bollywood plot.

First Generation Kids: Rejoice?

You know you're movin' on up when your demographic is covered by Salon.com. In light of the California Supreme Court decision to allow gay marriage, Sandip Roy discusses, albeit, tongue-in-cheek, of the possible scenes that may take place in immigrant families. Traditional Hindu ceremonies, with an "untraditional" couple. Arranged marriages, boy looking for boy (In fact, the last paragraph of his article echoes an earlier queeristan post). Since he focuses on the intense pressure for marriage in immigrant communities, particular Asian ones, his outlook for the future is generally sunny. With one and four Californians being immigrants, he suggests that it's the immigrant community that gave the final push for acceptance of gay marriage, because immigrant parents are tired of waiting around for their gay sons and daughters to get married. But has the immigrant community really turned a social corner? It wasn't too long ago that Satender Singh (a Fijian immigrant himself) was beaten to death in Sacramento by two Russian-speaking men. It’s largely believed to be a hate crime and Singh's death has become a symbol for the increasing amount of friction between the Sacramento gay community and socially conservative immigrants. So are our parent's generation and newly minted immigrants really comfortable with homosexuality? Or is it the majority, 3 out of 4 non-immigrants, that give California its gay-friendly reputation? In any case, it appears that at least the California Sikh and Muslim communities appear to be liberal as they were one of the first to release condemnations of Singh's beating. But I don’t live in California or Massachusetts. Desis living out there – what do you think?

Welcome to the Club, California!

Queeristanis, we are back! We are celebrating with some great news coming out of the Golden State!

California's Supreme Court has deemed a state law banning same-sex marriage unconstitutional. The court was split 4-3, favoring gay rights activists who saw the marriage ban in 2000 as discriminatory. California previously granted same-sex couples civil unions, similar to those in New Jersey and Vermont. The ruling will allow men and women to marry in less than a month.

However, it's not all peaches and sunshine. Although the ban has been lifted, it may be reinstated later via a constitutional amendment on the ballot in November. Religious and conservative groups have called the courts decision an "outrage" and an "example to judicial tyranny." Several organizations have already began to mobilize campaigns to bring this issue to a public vote.

The ruling is sure to spark this controversal issue once again. All three presidential hopefuls have been pretty tight lipped, McCain being the only one who opening disagree with the court's decision. Let's hope it doesn't create the same decisive atmosphere of 2004.

California lifts gay marriage ban

Weekly Mix Masala

• Trikone's Kulture Kulcha 2008. Tonight, Friday May 2nd! Trikone, San Fransisco
• Ethnography Gone Wild: a review of Parmesh Sahani's Gay Bombay Tehelka
• LGBT film festival, Boston. Screening several South Asian films, including A Jihad for Love
• Parvez Sharma, of A Jihad for Love, blogs about his journey as he screens the film globally Director's Blog
• A review of gay, Hindu, hip-hopper D'Lo and Ramble-Ations:A One D'Lo Show Asian American Press
• Irshad Manji vs. Ayaan Hirsi NYTimes, Jezebel
• A story covering the journey of a couple as a the husband transitions to female NYTimes
• And a debate whether it really is a sign of a good marriage that the couple is still together Jezebel
• Meanwhile, a prize racehorse refuses to mate with the ladies. Maybe he's just gay? NYTimes
• Young gay marriages in the US (well, Massachusetts at least ) NYTimes (Is it like LGBT month at the Times or something?)
• Andrew Sullivan + Obama's approach to the American LGBT movement The Daily Dish
• A symposium cancelled due to concerns from psychiatrists & activists that ex-gay's views would be propogated and considered healthy Queerty

When Rupal Met Allison

In an almost real life version of When Kiran Met Karen, Rupal Bhatt and Allison Park became two legally married lesbians in Massachusetts in 2006. Both, however, were from New England rather than different ends of the world. Says Rupal, "When I first met Allison...I remember thinking she wasn’t that great." They met again at a friend's party and lo and behold, four years later Rupal and Allison pledged to be partners for life.

Each spouse had different approaches to the marriage ceremony: Rupal wanted a traditional Hindu ceremony whereas Allison, being an atheist, wanted to avoid having any presiding minister or priest. In the end they created a new twist on the marriage ceremony - they changed the seven circles around the fire by alternating laps rather than having the wife only lead the last round, while Allison's mother read passages from the Bible. The alternating laps marked their mutual and equal participation in their marriage. The first six circles are traditionally lead by the male, representing the wife's devotion and obedience to the husband. Traditional straight couples could gain to learn a thing or two about relationships from this Hindu lesbian and atheist mix.

The two were recently featured in India New England, as part of a piece studying four couples.

India New England

a (not-so-)perfect solution? the dl on marriages of convenience

Being openly gay, especially in the South Asian community, can be quite challenging. To no one's surprise, marriages of convenience (MOC) are becoming an attractive alternative for those of us that want the best of both worlds- the chance to make-believe we are straight along with the freedom to be ourselves when we want to be.

BBC News takes a look at MOC's in the UK's South Asian community.



OK, so which way are you going to lean? Before you decide, know that the benefits of MOC's come hand-in-hand with compromises:

Pro- In some countries, you will finally get in on those hetero-exclusive tax benefits!
Con- Finances, bills, and joint assets with your “spouse” can get real ugly.
Pro- It's a MUCH better alternative than marrying someone of the opposite sex who thinks you are ...straight.
Con- AHHHHH You could end up in a “roommate-from-hell” situation (only this time, without the choice of being able to move out)
Pro- You don’t have to deal with the social pressures of being queer; you won't be shunned by your family for being different.
Con- You are decreasing awareness of queer South Asians, which is what will get us acceptance in the long-run!

For some legal advice on marriages of convenience
Sanginii

Some sites to get you started on your search for a MOC spouse:
Saathinight
AMALG
GL Marriage

And if playing straight just isn't your thing, Queeristan's got your hookup in finding LGBT desis (to ooogle at, flirt with, date, have a hottt night with, whatever).

Do you take this man...

Now that gay civil unions and marriages are becoming more prevalent (in some countries more than others, ahem ahem), here are the top 10 rules for the big day!

1) On the day of a gay wedding, it's bad luck for the two grooms to see each other at the gym.
2) Superstition suggests that, for good luck, the couple should have: Something bold, something flirty, something trashy, something dirty.
3) It's customary at gay and lesbian nuptials for the parents to have an open bar during the ceremony.
4) Gay wedding tradition dictates that both grooms refrain from eating any of the wedding cake because it's all carbs and sugar.
5) It's considered bad luck for either of the grooms to have dated the priest.
6) During the first dance, it's considered unlucky to use glow sticks, flags, whistles or hand held lasers.
7) For good luck at the union of a drag queen, the bouquet is always thrown in the face of a hated rival.
8) the reception hall must have a disco ball and at least one go-go dancer.
9) the wedding singer is not allowed to play/sing Let's Hear It For the Boy, It's Raining Men or I Will Survive.
10) the father of the Bottom has to pay for everything!

Haha, but all joking aside, the UK soap Emmerdale will be making headlines next week as the first primetime soap gay wedding takes place. And one of the grooms-to-be is half-Indian actor Matthew Bose's character, Paul Lambert! Bose, who is gay in real life, says "I'm proud it's Emmerdale that got there first. Shows like ours have a great responsibility to show things as they change and be cutting edge." The wedding, however, is considered a desperate attempt to keep the gay relationship together, as the character Paul has recently had a steamy one-night stand with a straight married man, creating an interesting gay love triangle.

I'm proud we'll have the first primetime gay soap wedding

Punjabi girl, 25, 5'6", slim, seeks alliance with well educated, fair, Punjabi bride

Gay or straight, Shaadi.com has been become a household URL in recent years for the South Asian community. More and more families are beginning to entrust the Internet with the duties of a matchmaker. To no one's surprise, these matrimonial doors remain shut for a great majority of the queer community.

Recently, however, there have been some rumblings on this front. The"no gays allowed" attitude of Shaadi.com has been challenged (via a hilarious repartee) by a writer of Desiclub.com. While no real resolution was made in the end, this all makes one think of the matchmaking opportunities out there for South Asian queers.

In a culture where marriage and unions between families are so highly regarded, it is naive to think gay South Asians would not adopt similar values. So what exactly is out there for us? Where do we go when we've exhausted Craigslist, Manhunt, Lesbotronic, & Gay.com? Where do we go to find a nice South Asian queer to bring home to Maa?

Well, you got a few options. While a matrimonial site aimed at our community may be a while a way, you can check out some new gay dating sites just for South Asians. Unfortunately, most of these sites are heavily saturated with men; but women & trans seekers, don't be discouraged, more are joining day by day.

Indus Gay -- easy format, fast growing, inclusive of men, women, & trans. but after a month, you have to pay to view profiles
Gay Date -- a little more racy than Indusgay, but only for men
GayDia -- cute site, nice format, but not trans inclusive

If you know of any more, help a brother/sister out and let us know!