Voices From the Community: Coming out to parents

Being gay, Indian, and Catholic is not a nice combination. I'm from a place in India called Mangalore, where marriage is the most important thing in the world, with Uncle Wilfy's secret kulfi ice-cream running in a close second. For my parents, grandchildren are the ultimate 'sign' that God has blessed their lives. They already have 2, but for them that's only the start - we are 4 kids after all. But if I were to tell them that I don't want to get married (at least not in the traditional sense), that would be bad enough. But to top that by saying "I'm gay", really wouldn't help much. I guess I'm not so scared about what they will say or do, but I'm rather terrified about how this new found information will be used by people who catch wind of it. Gossip spreads quickly, and before you know it, we will be subjected to the knowing stares and whispers as we walk into the church compound. My mom's life especially hasn't been too great, and I really don't want to put her through the added agony of dealing with this. For me, I think I see coming out from a 'benefit' angle - i.e if I tell my parents I'm gay, what will they get out of it? As it stands, our live are pretty stable, and really I won't stand to gain anything out of telling them I'm gay (well apart from feeling much more relaxed and liberated). My friends tell me that sooner or later my parents are going to find out, and I totally agree with them, but for the moment I think we'll keep living in this plastic bubble of life.

-from the blog out in my head


Lakshman said...

I think that entry perfectly shows the balance of familial duty and personal needs that every South Asian gay man faces.

libhom said...

That entry shows how religion serves to make people miserable.