3.17.2008

Voices From the Community: Inter/Intra-racial dating

So today was one of those self-reflections days for me. I thought about everyone i dated and realized that everyone taught me a valuable lesson in life, whether they really wanted to or not. There are certain words that I can never erase from my memory, and I think they are meant to be that way because they truly opened my eyes to life.

And then i thought about culture. Its weird how you experience culture by being with someone of a different ethnicity. Its almost like you are part of a totally different atmosphere. Half of the time I didn't know what to do. The other half I was just trying to figure out what they were talking about. And i learnt that in order to date a mexican in california, you really got to know spanish. I think it will make life so much easier....

The weird thing about my life is that I went through phases. It started out with the "white phase" and then went into the "asian phase" and then to the "mexican phase", and to the "black phase" and now i am in the "indian phase". And i never even planned it out like that either...

But now that i am in my "indian phase" i realize how i have underestimated the power of cultural connection in a relationship. I am so used to giving a one hour explanation for every lil thing that i do or say. However, finding other brown gays and talkin to them, there is this extraordinarily amazing connection. Its like we have known each other for a lifetime and more.

Yet all in all, i think a good solid relationships still boils down to the person than his or her race. But I realize that maybe a lil cultural similarity can't do no harm.

-Jerome Atputhasingam
California, USA

1 comment:

desi said...

I thought only white gays went through the rainbow tasting phase. At least you're open-minded enough to have gone out with different people. Many desis I know will only date white guys as they see any other minority, especially blacks and mexicans beneath them. For the record, the "one hour explanation of every lil thing" is a two-way process in minority-minority relationships, it's enriching, now, with a white guy, it's just plain boring because it's just about you explaining everything to him. The most solid relationships I now are minority-minority, one is iranian-indian and two are mexican-indian. They've all been together 5-10 years plus.